There are times when we face challenges that may seem insurmountable; days when we fail to see the path forward. I have been living in one such time for the past ten months. The world tells me I should worry about every facet of this cancer battle. I should worry about if the meds are working, if the cancer is spreading, if my next scan will be good news or bad, and if my blood work reflects the right numbers in any one of more than a dozen areas. There is a never ending litany of pressures and concerns. Perhaps a prudent cancer warrior would be thoroughly versed in each one of these battle fronts. Perhaps researching every new drug, every clinical trial and so much more. Don’t get me wrong there is prudence in seeking wisdom and I will do anything He leads me to do but where I shy away is in letting these things drive a desperation in me.
There is also a never ending stream of advice, input and feedback given by a myriad of people who all mean well. I admit early on I was so dismayed at what I thought this battle would be like. It felt like trying to march up hill to take the high ground, you know you are starting from a disadvantaged position and that the March uphill is going to cost you in blood, sweat and tears. You also know that without that victory you are doomed. Such was my perspective as I was confronted with the medical realities of stage four cancer.
However, very swiftly I realized I am simply not strong enough to fight that battle. I don’t have the resources to wage this war and the truth is I don’t have to. No matter what issue you are facing God has already waged the war for you. You are not bogged down in a desperate muddy attempt to slog forward and gain ground. You are not called to devise strategies and war plans, nor are you called to frantically slash through the air with any weapon you can find. All He desires is that we cling to the hem of His garment and that will be enough to see us through any and every obstacle.
You see, my life is not determined by cancer. It is determined by the God of the universe who spoke stars into existence, who spoke and separated the water from the land. It is determined by the One who sits on the throne and knew I would face this journey and who in His loving care has given me everything I need. He is the one who is with me in every treatment chair, every procedure, every scan and every moment.
Yes, it was an easy choice; worry about every moment of every day and every thing that happens thus allowing my life to be consumed by circumstances or hold on to the hem of His garment and allow Him to navigate me on this path forward. I for one am not strong enough to worry. I choose to hold His hem.
I trust His purpose and I rely on His strength and every day He gives me what I need. Regardless of the details of the battle every day He sets me forth in victory. So if you are facing something I encourage you to lay hold of the hem of His garment and know that He will care for every need that you have because He loves you. This life is hard and the Bible tells us we will have trouble but that trouble is firstly only in this world.. we belong to an eternal kingdom. We are merely passing through this place and time. Life does not end here.. it is merely relocated. Secondly, we are promised that He has overcome the world and will be with us when we face trials and troubles. Why would I give up His peace to try and take a hill He has already won? No, I plan to fall at His feet and cling to His hem and I hope you do too.
“Jesus answered them, “Do you now believe? Indeed the hour is coming, yes, has now come, that you will be scattered, each to his own, and will leave Me alone. And yet I am not alone, because the Father is with Me. These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.””
John 16:31-33 NKJV